


Insert Clever Vampire Pun Here

by Emi1y_Rose



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, Blood Drinking, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-26 00:40:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9854279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emi1y_Rose/pseuds/Emi1y_Rose
Summary: Jack forgot to get blood last week. And the week before that. And maybe before that, too.





	

It started with the headache.

It was nothing major, just a slight pinching behind the eyes that Jack noticed about an hour into work. He figured it had something to do with not having drunk enough water, so he filled up his water bottle before they launched into the next episode of the Let’s Watch. The headache was a distraction, but nothing major – he was still fully focused on the game, and watching Michael swear his way through it.

It escalated with the nausea.

Jack noticed it as soon as he hit the button to stop the recording on the face cam. Even just that water was difficult to keep down, but Jack didn’t really feel like vomiting. He just realized that it wasn’t appetizing, even though he was thirsty. Again, it wasn’t a big deal, he figured he just wouldn’t eat the lunch that he’d packed, since eating out constantly was causing him to gain a little more weight than he wanted. When he stopped and thought about it, he was surprisingly thirsty, even though he didn’t want any more. Jack had drained his water bottle.

It was when the sudden smell of _human_ hit him when Ryan got too close – he was leaning over to unplug a cable – that he realized that he hadn’t picked up his blood that weekend.

Actually, he hadn’t picked up his blood for the past two weekends.

Or was it three? Had he missed three and then _also_ missed this weekend?

Had he really gone four weekends without blood?

Jack swore under his breath as he realized what had happened. About a month ago, he’d gotten a new phone, and he’d forgotten to transfer his calendar over to his new phone, so his alarm to go get new blood had just escaped him. Between Let’s Play Live in Sydney, and general working, he had just been a stupid vampire who forgot what he needed.

It was okay, really. He’d gone for some time without blood before. It’d be annoying, but he could do it – he’d just have this headache and thirst for a while, and he could deal. Jack would ask one of the other vamps at the office if they had an extra bag lying around at home, he’d go over and grab it. He’d be fine.

Jack shook his head to collect his thoughts and went back to working. The AHWU rework needed attention right now, and he was mindlessly reordering the way that it should be presented. Was it better to have the Achievement of the Week before or after they announced the Game of the Week? Probably after, he decided, realizing that this was a stupid thing to have taken a few minutes to ponder. God, he was slow when he wanted blood. _Fucking idiot vampires_ , as Michael would say to refer to the two of them that were off camera. Jack smiled and took a second to glance around the room.

His gaze landed on Ryan just as he bit off a piece of skin on his lips, causing a bright burst of the smell of blood to fill the air. Jack forced his hands to grab the armrests on his chair so he didn’t reach out and grab Ryan.

God, he wanted blood.

_That's fine, there are humans here, you could just grab one and take it to a corner and drink…_

Jack pushed himself out of his chair and away from Ryan before he could do something stupid, like let his fangs distend and sink into his neck, _just take a little, a little…_

“Fuck!” he shouted out loud, making everyone turn and glance at him in curiosity.

Geoff raised an eyebrow before asking the obvious. “You okay, man?”

Jack hesitated, nodded, and then carefully made human-sized steps at a human-paced speed until he was out the door, then ran to the bathroom. His slight gust of wind as he stopped quickly kicked up the air, and he groaned to himself as he caught a waft of human. _Of course_ , he thought bitterly as he stepped in. Andy had to be there, washing his hands. Smelling delicious. _And isolated, people wouldn’t notice he was gone for a while…_

_Shut up_ , he thought to himself before slipping into a stall and sliding the lock. Though the piece of hard plastic wouldn’t truly contain him if he wanted to break out and bite Andy, but the idea of a barrier was enough for him to take a deep breath and unlock his phone to message Geoff. Geoff, to his credit, had not bought the fact that he was okay, and had sent a text already, comprised of just question marks.

**I forgot my blood this weekend** , Jack texted back. He sighed and let his head rest against the wall as he fought past instincts to try to figure out what to do. Thankfully, Andy left the bathroom, and all that was left was the smell of recently flushed toilet and industrial air freshener, the kind that only layered on top of the smell of the bathroom. For once, Jack was grateful that the scent was distracting enough to cover the struggle going on inside his head.

Geoff knew he was a vampire. Hell, everyone in the office knew Jack was a vampire. They also knew that Michael, and Joel, and Barbara, and a handful of other people at the company were vampires. (And yes, they all got a good laugh when the Joel-being-a-vampire theory was all over the subreddit.) There was sort of a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” mentality around the nonhumans in the company. It was never explicitly stated by any of the higher ups that a new team member was supernatural, but humans weren’t stupid. They did notice when someone didn’t show up in mirrors, or liked their meat on the very, very rare side. People could smell when someone had the telltale sweet burn of magic around them. People had to ask what sort of creature someone was sometimes, but about 90 percent of the time the humans could at least deduce whether someone was human. No one was particularly disturbed by a nonhuman being in the company, it was just something that happened in 2017 – nonhumans were, for the most part, not dangerous if they knew how to control their urges, and the company required demonstration that the nonhuman knew how to live with humans.

Jack’s control required him to get regular blood donations from a blood bank. He’d drop by the Red Cross building on Saturdays, or Sundays if he forgot to go, and would drink a pint of donated human blood. While technically vampires could go for two weeks without blood and not see any real side effects, it was recommended that vampires take some about once a week to try and minimize vampire attacks. The Red Cross had only recently extended their services to Sundays to support this, and legislature was in the works to make them available at all times of the day, but at the moment there would be no legal place for Jack to get any blood. Unregistered donors, people who sought the thrill of having a vampire bite and feed from them, were little more than junkies, and Jack did not want to be the one to fuel their addiction.

Geoff would have some ideas, though. Resourceful at the best of times, he also had a nice pool of knowledge with which he could work. Griffon was a vampire, and that’s why Jack knew that telling Geoff that he’d forgotten to eat was an okay idea. Geoff had certainly been around vampires when they were hungry and would hopefully have an idea of what was happening. He would also know that he was stuck like this until a blood bank opened on Saturday.

**Fuck, dude.** Jack’s phone vibrated, and he scoffed.

**No shit,** he wrote out, and then hit the backspace until the message cleared. **Yeah. I may have forgotten it for the past month.**

Jack could have sworn he heard the sigh that Geoff made from down the hall as his phone vibrated again. **I’d donate but I gave some to Griffon last week. Do you want me to ask around?**

Vampire instinct told him no, he’d go and find someone and _take_. Basic human courtesy told him that maybe that was the best. He could have a snack, enough to last him until Saturday. Or he could grab a bag from another vampire. But the likelihood that anyone had brought blood to work that day was extremely low – it was one thing for the company to allow and accept the nonhumans, it was another for the nonhumans to force humans to watch them drink blood or eat a live, raw fish (Cole was a selkie). Therefore, it was frowned upon to keep the blood bags in the office. That was probably a safety concern, now that Jack thought on it. There may be ways to take down individual monsters based on their weaknesses, but maybe having a backup for things like forgetful vampires would be a good idea.

**No I’ll ask myself** , Jack texted back, and sighed to unlock the door. It was probably for the best for him to ask rather than having Geoff ask for him. It felt almost dishonest to send one of the humans into his makeshift fluorescent-lit lair and have their blood drained. So, with a sigh, he unlocked the door and made his way back to the Achievement Hunter office.

As he opened the door, the scent of human and competing vampire filled his lungs and he winced to keep his fangs from dropping and trying to fight Michael for food.

God, Jack hated thinking of his coworkers as food.

Everyone had already turned to look at him as he tried to make words form to ask for a blood donation. “Hey, um. Guys? I… I sort of need some blood,” he said, rushing the words at the end and feeling his face flush.

Michael understood with his vampire hearing, and gave a sympathetic smile. Gavin may have understood since he was some unholy combination of werewolf and half-demon with no obvious signs of either, even outside of the office. But the humans in the room stared at him blankly, until he repeated a little more slowly that he needed a donor.

“Right now?” Gavin asked. Michael rolled his eyes and smacked him upside the head.

“Dipshit, he wouldn’t ask if he didn’t need right now.” Michael glanced between Jack and his own hands folded in his lap. “If you need it and start thinking about it it’s nearly fucking impossible to stop.”

Geoff piped in when Gavin stopped squawking at the indignity of Michael insulting him. “He probably wants someone human, so you’re all set, Gav. I’d give him some but I donated to Griffon last week. So,” he said, glancing between Ryan and Jeremy, “I’d say that the two of you gotta rock paper scissors this bitch and loser get drained.”

“Wait,” Jack protested weakly as the two turned to each other with a look. “Let me explain –”

“You need blood, what do you need to explain?” Jeremy asked.

Jack tried to find words, but Ryan cut him off beforehand. “I can donate, but I’ve been using magic pretty recently. Does that ruin the taste of blood?” Jack could see the hesitation on Ryan’s face, though – the idea of donating blood didn’t really seem to interest him.

“Not really,” Michael said.

“No, but if you don’t want to neither of you have to, I can ask other departments, too,” Jack said, trying to get the concerned look off Ryan’s expression.

“I’ll do it,” Jeremy said, pushing his chair away from the desk and taking his sweatshirt off. “C’mon, Jack.” Jeremy reached over and grabbed a t-shirt from a pile on the couch before pausing. “Ryan, do you have an unopened Diet Coke?”

“Yup. Catch!” The can was lobbed into Jeremy’s waiting arms and he grinned before walking over to Jack.

Jack stared at Jeremy for a moment, surprised at how quickly he’d agreed and how no one had said anything about it. In fact, they all seemed fairly nonchalant about it all. He understood why Michael was understanding, being a fellow vampire. Gavin and Geoff were also expected, Gavin being from a supernatural family and Geoff being married to one. But Jeremy?

“Be safe, boys,” Geoff sang out. “Jeremy, scream if he tries to kill you.”

The human in question pushed past him to head down the hall, and the smell of potential meal prompted Jack to follow behind Jeremy. His fangs ached to sink into skin and take –

Jeremy turned to look at Jack and laughed, a noise completely belaying the swarming thoughts in his head. “Man, how long has it been for you?”

“About a month,” Jack admitted, and Jeremy laughed again before stepping into the bathroom and gesturing for Jack to walk past. Jeremy locked the door behind them, turning the deadbolt so that they were alone.

_Alone,_ the thought rumbled in his head. _Alone and could take and eat. So hungry, he said he wanted to, he won’t mind –_

Jack held his hands up to his head and groaned, stepping away from Jeremy and the door. “How are we doing this?” he asked, unable to see anything as he kept his face buried.

Jeremy brushed past him to go sit in the chair in the corner that Jack wasn’t sure the original use for – why was a chair in the bathroom? He’d always wondered that, but his brain was attaching to inane things to keep the idea of _human_ and _blood_ out of his head. A ripping sound made him look up, and he saw Jeremy tear the t-shirt. Dogs Don’t Like Grapes was partially bisected in his grip, but he was struggling to tear the shirt again.

“Can you rip off a piece and tie it around my arm?”

Jack stared at him before stepping over to the chair. “Why?” Some stereotypes rang true for vampires. While Jack could enter buildings, and enjoyed garlic bread, he did mostly bite people’s necks. That is, on the few occasions that he’d drunk straight from a human source, he’d been biting at their neck. Once, it was at their inner thigh. While he and Jeremy were friends, he was assuming Jeremy would prefer the slightly less intimate option, but this was something he had not expected.

Jeremy shrugged. “My brother is a vamp. Got turned in early high school, the idiot. My family might not be poor, but we weren’t rich, and blood’s expensive, as I’m sure you know,” he said, inclining his head at Jack. “I didn’t really wanna walk around with like, super hickeys every time my brother needed a snack. My parents and I would take turns like every two weeks. Anyway, we copied how people take blood donations and then he could feed from my elbow. Way easier to cover up.” As Jeremy mentioned it, Jack took a new notice to the small dark marks around the curve of his elbow. He’d simply assumed they were freckles, not puncture scars. “Anyway, if you could just rip that and tie it, we’ll be okay to go.”

“Oh! Sorry.” The purple fabric tore easily in his hands and he fastened it around the bicep Jeremy led forwards. “Is that good?”

“Little tighter, you gotta make the vein pop.” Jack adjusted, and Jeremy smiled. “Great. Just give it a few seconds and you can eat, okay?”

Jack felt his fangs push down onto his own lips and nodded. He watched the blueish tint come closer to the surface and dropped down to his knees, not quite able to stop his instincts from getting him ready to eat. His mouth watered, and he felt a surge of adrenaline to just _drink_. He felt a hand on his forehead though, and paused for a moment to meet Jeremy’s bright blue eyes.

“Hey. I know you’re hungry, but only like a pint, yeah? We both have stuff to do after this. Don’t wanna have to go to the hospital for blood loss.”

Jack nodded furiously, though a small part of him noted that he’d agree to pretty much anything to get some blood at this point.

Jeremy sighed, closed his eyes and visibly relaxed. “Okay, you can go now.”

Jack didn’t wait until the last word to let his fangs pop into Jeremy’s skin, and as blood hit his tongue he nearly moaned in relief as Jeremy let out a hiss. Jack wanted to pull away, to lean back and make sure that everything was okay, but the vampire in him just wanted to take.

_Two bites would get more blood_ , it tempted, but Jack forced the thought away as he pressed some saliva to the wound. Giving in to those thoughts would lead to more bites, and that was what ended up on late night news shows as “graphic pictures of a vampire attack.” He knew that, theoretically, there was a sort of numbing agent in his spit and that would stop it from hurting so much. It also stopped Jeremy’s blood from clotting, but that was probably the only reason his vampire was content with letting him do it.

The minutes dissolved into Jeremy’s quiet breathing and Jack’s slight slurping noises as he tried to get as much of the blood into his mouth and not around it. God, this was good and warm and rich. People had asked him what blood tasted like before, and he could never describe it well – just something delicious and _right_. Granted, Jeremy’s was not the best tasting blood he’d ever had (he had a little bit of a bitter aftertaste, if he was being honest) but at this point Jack hardly cared.

As he kept drinking, Jack suddenly just felt better overall. He hadn’t even realized the sick feeling affecting his body until it was subsided – it reminded him of the moment that he knew a cold was finally over. After a few minutes, Jack felt another pressure on his forehead, this one a little more hesitant.

“Jack, are you okay?” The voice sounded faint, far away.

_That wasn’t a pint_ , the vampire part of him growled, and Jack had to agree. It was close, about three-fourths, but he knew how long it took to drink a pint and it hadn’t been quite that long yet. Still, Jeremy didn’t sound quite right, and very reluctantly Jack moved his head away to see Jeremy’s very pale face, his eyes closed and his mouth lax.

“Fuck, Jeremy!” Adrenaline raced through his body, a far cry from the peace he’d felt when he was feeding. He surged up and reached for his face, taking care to be gentle. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just… it’s been a while, I forgot…” Jeremy trailed off, and Jack noticed the mess he’d left behind on the other man’s arm. Quickly, he grabbed the first aid kit off the wall and brought out a bandage and some antibacterial swabs.

“I didn’t think I took that much, I’m so sorry,” Jack babbled, quickly wiping down at the two new punctures on Jeremy’s arm.

Jeremy shook his head. “You didn’t, I just… I get like this, kind of spacey. I forgot how weird it was.”

Jack frowned, unsatisfied with the answer, but as he wrapped the bandage around one arm Jeremy’s other arm reached out for his hand to make a grabbing motion. “Can you open me the Coke?”

With a click and fizz, the can was passed from vampire to human, and Jeremy took a few deep sips as Jack finished the bandage. Jack allowed silence to pass between them as Jeremy kept downing the can. As he finished, Jack gently took the can from him. “Do you need anything else?”

“You owe me lunch at some point,” Jeremy joked, finally opening his eyes. “Oh! You’ve got blood in your beard.”

Jack instinctively leaned over to the mirror and sighed when he couldn’t see his reflection. Instead, he grabbed at a paper towel and ran it under some cool water and scrubbed at his face.

Jeremy noticed the slight struggle. “Oh, can you see yourself in the mirror?”

Jack shook his head. “Not right after I’ve fed. After a little while I can see my outline and some detail.”

“My brother can never see himself,” Jeremy offered. “He also can’t do photos. How different is it when you’re born versus turned?”

“Not much. Every vamp is a little different in their quirks. Michael can’t do silver,” Jack said, tossing the paper towel away.

“Really? I thought it was werewolves that don’t do silver.”

Jack snorted. “I’m pretty sure everything that’s not a human can have silver allergies.”

Jeremy laughed, and held out his hand for Jack to grab. A small shiver of electricity hummed through Jack as he helped Jeremy to his feet. That was normal, he was pretty sure. A bond between him and someone he had fed from. This felt a little stronger than before, but Jeremy made no comment on any sensation as he stood up and stretched a little bit.

“All set to go back to recording?” Jeremy asked.

Jack nodded, then shook his head. “Wait,” he said, pulling out his phone and finding the calendar app. “I’m gonna make sure we don’t have to do this again.”

**Author's Note:**

> Jack's blood-withdrawal symptoms and Jeremy's blood loss symptoms are based off of my medicine-withdrawal symptoms and blood loss symptoms.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this piece!


End file.
